I know. It’s been a while. We have so much to catch up on, and I HAVE to learn how to make this blogging thing a part of my everyday ritual. First off, I come home exhausted from teaching, but it’s summer now. It’s me time. You know the drill if you checked into my blog last summer. It’s time to recharge, take care of myself, and further my journey to health.
One thing I am proud of is that I didn’t gain one pound over the school year. Not. One. Pound. That is a big deal. It means that I have finally figured out how I need to eat in order to maintain my weight. Now to work hard and lose another clothing size this summer. Then, if all else fails, and my job is super stressful, I at least know how to maintain my weight. It’s kind of a big deal.
So on to the story about yesterday at the doctor. It all started when I fell last Thursday on my FIRST hiking trip of the summer. I know. REALLY? Not five seconds out the gate and I am making this whole “health journey” hard on myself. I fell so hard I thought I broke something in my left thigh. It took two of my friends to help me up. That has NEVER happened before. I made it over a mile back to the car, came home, put my leg up (when I wasn’t painting my bedroom floor… that’s another blog post) and tried to take it easy. Inside, I was panicking that I did something bad to myself and I wouldn’t be hiking for the rest of the summer. Come Sunday, the large bruising that appeared really had me freaked out, so I decided to head in on Monday and get it checked out. I just wanted to make sure that everything was in the right place, and that I could safely keep hiking and working out.
Now, those of you who know me, know that going to the doctor is a big deal because I don’t really have a soft place in my heart for doctors. They have let me down, and members of my family down, in so many ways. The search for a good doctor (and a good hairstylist) is a seriously hard thing. Just filling you in so you know what a big deal this is.
Okay. Went into the walk in clinic. Waited my turn. Everything happened quickly, which was good, because it gave me less time to worry about all the things. The nurse called my name and I went back with her.
Hurdle Number 1: I have to step on the scale. This is a big deal for me because I don’t have a great relationship with the scale and the scale at the doctor always reads higher. And sure enough, I weighed ten pounds more than at home. In my mind I listed all the reasons to keep myself from freaking out: clothes, time of day, etc, etc. Got over that hurdle.
Hurdle Number 2: Talking about my active life while the nurse looks on in disbelief that a five foot five girl who weighs currently over 200 pounds could have an active life. Used to it. Shake it off.
Hurdle Number 3: This is the one that slays me EVERY time. And I say every time because… it happens. Every. Time. Without. Fail. The nurse proceeds to take my blood pressure and says, “Wow. You have really great blood pressure!” Do you hear the unstated words there? Why would a nurse be surprised that I have really great blood pressure? Yep. She might as well just follow with: for a fat girl.
Friends. Why do we judge people because of their clothing size compared to their height? Why do we assume that because someone is thicker than the average human, that it must mean that they are not active and must eat a container of ice cream every night? She does not know me. She does not know that I eat a diet of vegetables and meat with occasional fruit added in. She doesn’t know that I don’t eat sugar. Don’t eat processed foods with unknown ingredients. Don’t eat grains, with exception to the occasional meal out at a mexican restaurant. (Chips and salsa people.) She does not know that I lived an entire life being allergic to gluten and not knowing it. That does things to a body, lady.
Without knowing me or my health journey, this person judged me.
And do you know why that makes me sad? It doesn’t hurt me because she judged me. It hurts my heart because what if it wasn’t me? What if it were another girl who didn’t love herself for who she was? What if it were someone who was trying their hardest and this comment pushed them over the edge? Not okay!
So if you are reading this today. Number 1. I am fine. Everything in my leg is attached and in the right place. And Number 2. Please, please, PLEASE, be careful what you say to people. Be careful because you could be the difference between someone being encouraged by your words, or giving up because of something you said. And if you are someone who has had something hurtful said to you by someone who doesn’t know your story. Do not listen. I repeat. Do. NOT. Listen.
You are amazing just the way you are. You are amazing no matter what point you are at on your journey. Keep working hard. Keep improving yourself!
Enjoy the Dance! ;D